f.t island; blurry lights. {jonghun/hongki, hongki/seunghyun.}

[augmenti]

blurry lights
lee hongki doesn't know what he wants, but jonghun has always known.
jonghun/hongki, hongki/seunghyun; r.→2,520 words.
✬written for kacts, originally found here.

i. Seunghyun's head falls back against the back of the taxi seat and let it loll to the side to reveal an endless run of multicolored lights of the city rolling by. Absently, he wonders if anyone ever wrote a song about them. He would, if he could feel his fingers, because at the moment they were kind of numb. Someone touches his shoulder and he looks over and immediately was taken hostage by Jonghun’s eyes. Just then, the lights stop flashing. “We’re here.” Jonghun says with a kind smile. “Are you sure you can go another round?” His words slur slightly. Or maybe that was Seunghyun’s brain. He nods anyway, pulling on the door handle and stepping outside. He trips over the curve before Jonghun can save him and his knees hit the sidewalk. Neither of them were exactly alcohol free, but he has the distinct feeling that his friend holds far more liquor than he can. Inside this bar rock music flares from the speakers, unlike the last few they’d gone too, where they played mostly dance and pop music—the ideal music to dance to, but maybe not to get drunk to. And that’s what he was there to do, get drunk, because that’s what people his age did. He loved being of age—it was the next best thing to amusement parks. He tugs on Jonghun’s arm and leans against his shoulder so that he could get his mouth next to his ear. “Take me to the bar?” Jonghun’s eyebrows shoot above his hairline. “Haven’t you had enough?” Seunghyun shakes his head and slips out of Jonghun’s grip, stumbling into another person. “Oops, sorry.” He grins at the girl, who blushes really prettily—it complimented her dress—and is immediately picked up by Jonghun, who snakes an arm around his waist. He was such a great friend. “I think you’ve had enough.” Jonghun’s voice is like a distant church prayer in his mind. He can hear the bar calling his name—he can see it now. He can’t let it out of his sights. He pulls himself out of Jonghun’s grip and stumbles over to a stool. He hears Jonghun speak his name but pretends not to. He sits himself next to a cute guy at the bar who is politely fending off a sexy lady. The bartender looks at him, expectantly. “I’ll have a white Russian,” he grins, and presses his fingers together, thumping them against the shiny bar top. “Hi,” he grins at the boy next to him, raising his chin in greeting. He’d seen Jonghun do this at every bar they went to and he wanted to try it, just once. Jonghun is the expert womanizer, his Casanova friend. And he didn’t know where he went off to, but he didn’t care. He could feel the world spinning on it’s axis at thousands’ of miles per hour and this boy was really, really cute. He had that same soft long hair that Jonghun was usually attracted too. He was probably jealous. “What’s up?” The man took a drink of the shot in front of him. Seunghyun did the same with his white Russian. He’s pretty sure the coffee flavor is its only saving grace. “Wanna go somewhere?” He asks, tilting his head and resting it on his hand. He smirks, almost expectantly, and put a hand on the man’s knee. Alcohol kept him from being nervous, only excited. “You wish,” he grins, showing off sharp canines. He downs the rest of his drink with a flick of the wrist. This usually meant they were going to run off, he noted from his five-minute lesson from Jonghun before they went to their first bar of the evening. Seunghyun immediately motions the bartender to give them both another, on him. The man raises his eyebrows. “Come on,” Seunghyun flashes him his most dashing smile and waggles his eyebrows, “I’m cute.” “Yeah,” the man grins. “And I’m awesome.” “What’s your name, awesome man?” Seunghyun asks, grinning against the cold glass of his drink. The man puts his hand on Seunghyun’s hand, which was still on the man’s thigh, and looks into his eyes, searching for something. “Hongki.” The man grins. And just like that, Seunghyun put his glass down and leans towards him, kissing him. And man, he was a really great kisser. “I’m Seunghyun,” he mumbles, and goes down on him in the hallway, next to the bathrooms. “Do I look like I care?” Hongki asks, but he digs his skeleton head nails into Seunghyun’s skin when he came in his mouth and writes his name and number on a napkin, slipping away before anyone sees him. ii. Jonghun finds him there later, after Hongki had left. Seunghyun’s sitting on the floor, pressing his fingers to his lips where the remnants of Hongki’s goodbye kiss lingers. There was a note in his pocket, warm from being held so tight, with Hongki’s number on it. He’d be an idiot of he let himself lose it, so he clings to it even as Jonghun lifts him off the floor and takes him home with warm hands and a chiding smile. - Jonghun brings Seunghyun home and empties his pockets before he lays him out on the couch. He puts his wallet and his keys on the coffee table next to his cell phone but his fingers trail over a hastily scribbled number. Jonghun presses his lips together and picks it up, and his eyes narrow at the familiar name that’s staring at him off the page. Jonghun takes a long look at Seunghyun sleeping, with his hair falling over his face, and pulls the blanket over his legs and up to his chin. Then he shreds the number and throws the pieces out of the window, numbers he memorized years ago still ingrained into his memory. - Three weeks later, Jonghun says he’s forgotten all about the night he took Seunghyun bar hopping for the first time. Seunghyun mentions it in passing, while Jonghun’s flipping through the phone book looking for the number to a curry restaurant. Jonghun’s fingers freeze on the page and Seunghyun doesn’t know how to describe the black gaze that is shot his way in any way besides the shiver it had brought up his spine. “Hyung,” Seunghyun says, and it takes all of Jonghun’s will not to reach across the counter and punch him in the shoulder hard enough to leave a welt. “What?” He asks, voice thick with venom. “You passed the page.” Jonghun’s shoulders sigh in relief, because that means that Seunghyun’s forgotten about the man he met at the bar, at least for now, and he deftly places an order over the phone. Seunghyun has a short attention span, thankfully, because he doesn’t want to think about what would happen if he knew, really. After Seunghyun’s gone home that night, Jonghun taps his fingers against the fake plastic of his kitchen counter and flips through his contacts list on his phone. He finally finds the one he’s looking for and purses his lips together before pressing the call. “What do you want?” The voice on the other end of the line is just as ornery as always. Jonghun feels a flutter in his stomach and wipes a hand over his dry lips. “Hongki, I want to see you, are you busy?” Hongki makes a noise of protest and Jonghun can see him putting his feet on the floor. “Fine,” he sighs, and names some random bar name. “Sure,” Jonghun grins, elated, but it’s met with the static of a call disconnected. He takes five minutes to make sure he looks presentable and changes clothes, and then he runs out the door, feeling sick by the elation rising in the back of his throat. - He finds Hongki at the bar, where he usually is, chatting with a girl with fake blonde hair and a hand creeping up his arm. Jonghun remembers when that used to be him, before he started to go to the bar just to get drunk instead. He slips up behind Hongki and puts a hand on his shoulder. Hongki turns to him and Jonghun gives himself credit when his stomach doesn’t immediately churn with guilt. Hongki shakes the girl and pulls Jonghun to him. Hongki’s bar of choice is playing dance music with a heavy beat, and most of the club is on the dance floor, but Jonghun pulls him to the back and pushes him up against the wall. He frames him with one hand against the wall and the other slides to his neck, where he can feel his steady pulse. He shifts a knee up against his legs without putting any pressure. Hongki stares at him from under his eyelashes, and grins. “What are you waiting for?” He asks, and as he does, his pulse speeds up. It’s the first indication that he can even be nervous. “Seunghyun mentioned you today,” he admits, gaze lowering to Hongki’s lips. They smirk at him. Hongki laces his fingers into Jonghun’s belt loops. “I can’t help it if I’m hard to forget.” He grins, and Jonghun smacks him in the shoulder. “Don’t hurt him, he’s my dongsaeng.” “So’m I,” Hongki mumbles, and leans forward, pout pulling at his lips. “Yeah, right.” Jonghun scoffs, and meets him half way. - They dance together with the taste of one another in their mouths, their foreheads touching and their breath mingling. Their hands wander, fumble over each other, retracing forgotten lines and slipping underneath clothes when they get too close. Hongki’s fingers are hot against Jonghun’s abdomen, but his nails are cold and leave searing marks in his skin. Hongki’s hair is shorter than it used to be, and not nearly as wavy. Jonghun’s is longer, and when it wasn’t in a ponytail it fell over his face and got in his eyes. Somewhere in the night it starts to come loose and Hongki automatically slips a wayward lock of hair behind his ear for him. His palm is sweaty against his cheek, and his gaze is intense, and Jonghun nearly kisses him in the middle of the dance floor, but pulls back at the last minute and pulls him to the bar, fingers lacing together too easily. Jonghun presses the cold glass of his drink against the back of his neck before he drinks, and idly watches Hongki’s throat work as he swallows his own. Jonghun smiles and lifts his own to his lips, drinking far slower than Hongki. He didn’t want to get drunk, not tonight. It had been a few years since he and Hongki could have been considered a thing, and Jonghun isn’t exactly sure if they were anything anymore or not. Things happened, and they drifted apart, but they still met like this even though they also met other people. It confused him, but it isn’t complicated unless they wanted something more. And he does, whenever he isn’t drunk. He signals for another drink and glances back at Hongki. He gives a start when their eyes meet. He watches his lips break into a grin and flash teeth, and for a moment, he just revels in the feeling of having just one person to care about. Then he raises a hand and punches Hongki in the shoulder. “Hey,” Hongki frowns, punching him back automatically. “What was that for?” Jonghun shrugs and got up from his stool. “I’m not drunk,” he laughs, and slides his glass facedown on the table towards the bartender, pulling some bills out of his wallet and laying them down and tugging Hongki away. There is a look in Hongki’s eyes that says that he understands, but Jonghun is sure he probably doesn’t. He pulls him back to the hallway with the bathrooms again, and pushes him back up against the wall. He doesn’t kiss him, just holds him there by his shoulders and stares into his eyes, memorizing the specks of green and copper in his brown eyes. “I want to get together again.” Hongki blinks, and Jonghun’s heart skips a beat when he grips his shirt. “We are together, right now.” Jonghun makes a noise in the back of his throat that Hongki shouldn’t be able to hear over the noise of the bass. “I want it to just be us.” Because all of this was tearing him apart inside, and Hongki gives his number away like it was candy. Because he wore his heart on his sleeve and yet didn’t wear it at all. Because Seunghyun was still hung up on him, even though it’s been three weeks, and he spent only half an hour with him. “You’re my best friend,” Hongki says, licking his lips, his face twisting into a puzzled expression. Jonghun cups his cheek with one hand, leaning forward. “You’re like my girlfriend,” he corrects, and kisses him, lips soft. He grazes his bottom lip with his teeth, and then pulls back. This isn’t like the other times. This time, they’re mostly sober. This time, there is no Seunghyun. And this time, Hongki kisses him back. “Right, whatever.” Hongki gasps, when they pull apart. “I’m not a girl.” He hisses, grabbing his chin and leaves a bruising kiss against Jonghun’s mouth. “Boyfriend, then.” Jonghun grins, “the only boyfriend.” He stresses the only, because he’s tired of sharing. Hongki rolls his eyes, but he smiles when he punches him in the chest. “Sure.” - In the morning, Jonghun wakes up with Hongki in his arms and Seunghyun standing in the doorway of his bedroom. He curses ever giving Seunghyun the key and sits up, letting the blanket fall off his naked chest. “Seunghyun,” he should feel guiltier than he is, because he knows his friend has been pining. Hongki frowns in his sleep and wraps his fingers around his wrist without opening his eyes, rolling onto his side to conserve warmth. “Um,” Seunghyun blinked, staring at the back of his head. He looks at Jonghun, and smiles. There’s no blame in his eyes, but it surprises him more when there’s no pain, either. He takes his guitar case off his back. “I just wanted to, um, return this,” he adds, and puts it inside the door. He bites his lip as he turns away. “Um, sorry.” He laughs as he closes the door. Jonghun lies still for a moment, and wonders whether he should chase him or not. Then Hongki opens his eyes and scowls at him. “You gave him keys?” He tries to stab him with his glare. Jonghun hits him with his pillow. “He’s a friend,” he grins when Hongki flails, and rolls him onto his stomach and stabs him in the back with his elbow. Hongki tries to hit him for a few more seconds, until he rolls off the bed and takes all the blankets with him. Jonghun laughs until he cries and gropes for his boxers on the floor. “Hey, I’m hungry.” He says, a bit breathlessly. “Treat Seunghyun and I to food.” “What?” Hongki scowls, “that’s not even fair.” But he does it anyway.